Day 18pm

by childofwine

Cigarettes.

More and more of them in the mouths of more and more of the people around me. Jerks.

Even the air filtration system allows it to filter into my shared bathroom and into my face like a Disney tendril with smoke fingers. I’ll admit I’ve deliberately got in the way of an exhalation and even had the impulse, the thought, the intention, the desire to grab a drag, bum a smoke, have a puff… but I haven’t and I won’t, it’s just what it is now I suppose.

So that’s that.

Been sitting here at the ol’puter having a lovely online research ramble listening to the audio of video clips on youtube of Stravinsky himself talking (“I don’t get sea-sick, I get sea-drunk” and other equally revelatory quips) whilst reading the incredible diary entries Nijinsky wrote in the six weeks before he was institutionalized for schizophrenia.

The full eight of us will be in a room for the first time tomorrow but we did have one of the dancers this evening and she taught us a thing or two about what we do and she’s never done! So far, the five of us from the SITI program are finding a really healthy conversation rhythm. It’s not combative nor is it polite, rather it is honest and creatively driven and it seems to me that we are walking into the same unpainted and undecorated room and I can’t wait to start picking colours and furniture!

A few months ago when I first played the Rite of Spring I thought I must’ve been mad to think I wanted to come here or, that if I did come it would be a complete bust. How we were going to do anything with that cacophonous symphony… and here I am unable to go do bed watching videos, listening to music, going down numerous rabbit holes and then having them all radically transformed by the research and aesthetics of the other members of my group. I have no idea if this is going to work. There’s no way to tell until it’s done but we are off now and there is no looking back only Breath and a willingness to Read. To Read in every possible sense of the word and then more –
My eyes are tired but they are alive. In every possible way. This is good.

Oh! A wee victory was had: I made it through a movement class with no tears! I even had a few half decent moments if I do say so myself!

I will be sad when my time here is done – I’m already plotting ahead to future possible sessions!

I found the following story during my research this evening (I hope it’s true) – it’s as if Stravinsky had done a summer program with the SITI company and tried to practically give a neophyte the understanding of the work we do here and how and why … and then what… –

Once upon a time Stravinsky wrote a new piece that had a very difficult section for the violin. He called in the world’s most famous violinist and said, “I want you to perform this.” The violinist was very pleased, took the score away, and studied it. He came back in a week and said, “Mr. Stravinsky, I can’t do it. Nobody can do it. It’s too difficult.” Stravinsky said, “But you’re the greatest in the world. Go back. Try again. Think about it hard. I know you can do it.” The violinist again went off and studied the piece for a week, tried every way he could to play it the way it was written, and finally came back and said, “Mr. Stravinsky, it cannot be done.” Stravinsky said, “You don’t understand. What I want is the sound of someone trying to play this.”

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