What is it the alcoholics say? “God grant me the serenity yada yada yada”
Today was … well it was and now it’s about to be dinner time but I’m officially declaring it breakfast time making the rest of today Day 15 2.0
Day 15 1.0 was pretty rough. Started good then it imploded then it went good again and then it flatlined and then it came back to life just to completely liquidate.
Details? Fine. Here it is: We needed to get into the black box to try some tech ideas so we met at 7am to try stuff out. (I was up in plenty of time to dress and pack my bag – this is me in the mornings here. Yup.) Kinda got it but I don’t think it’ll end up working in the piece but that’s totally cool ’cause I’m up and good to go and have time for a lovely leisurely breakie in which I fiiiiiiiinally finish that stupid Book 5 of Ice and Fire series. Get to new group suzuki with plenty of time to warm up, see who I’m still with and who’s new from the other group.
Then I decide for a quick last minute pee.
I hear the teacher’s voice as I’m dropping the TP in the bowl and I run to a closed door. I spend the next hour and a half sitting on the floor leaning against the door trying to catch the incredibly huge amount of new material they seemed to cover. Tried to do the work with them but it was too hard, I did manage a few planks with text when they did text… plenty of time for meditations and ruminations.
Viewpoints was next and I was working hard to not bring my disappointment and frustration into the room. I did well, I had a good class, I felt like I’d learned something with my whole morning experience. I went and apologized to the first teacher and he was very lovely.
Lunch was nice. Dramaturgy was dramaturgy. Movement next and I managed to have a little cry just before the class started. How lovely. But it’s okay I’m gonna breathe and I’m not gonna sit this one out – I can move and I can play and I can follow my stupid tail. We had a wonderful long and luxurious warm up. I’m stiff, my lower back feels somewhat fused and there are Mega-Streisand sized knots in my upper back but it’s okay it’s alright. And then it’s movement work time – all we have to do is cross the room exploring the straight lines and angles created by our arms.
And I’m sobbing.
But it’s okay I can gather myself, I can breathe and I can transform it into…. nope. I have to walk out of the room, not making contact with the entire class that is painfully aware of my imminent meltdown and, through the thick myopia of impending blubberdom, I see them part like the Red Sea allowing me to dash from the room into heaving sobs.
Crap. It wasn’t that I was … I dunno, anything really. It just seemed like today was the day that I was going to be the crier, except I haven’t seen anyone else do it that spectacularly yet and I don’t know that anyone else has had the door shut in their face (okay I know it wasn’t quite like that but… close enough)
and now, I have five more minutes of this self-indulgence before I have to leave it behind and go start Day 15 2.0 because we have compositions tomorrow so we have rehearsals tonight and then tomorrow, after we present our compositions, I have to put my hand up to volunteer to direct the very same people who just saw me bust a faucet. And it’s our last composition and we’re getting dancers this time and I’m realizing this gal ain’t got much of a clue about real collaborative devised theatre. Can’t a girl just have a script?!
I am ok. I am. I’m just glad this day is over
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
Day 15 2.0
Better than Day 15 1.0
Dinner was green beans and a little toasty pizza thingie and Goldberg variations on the Moogs.
Rehearsal was difficult but productive. We finally found the sense in it and I think it’ll be a decent little piece. I’ve learned a lot with this group, as I did with the last one, but I feel better about this work and this collaboration.God grant me the serenity yada yada yada for when it’s finally my turn to direct tomorrow and I’m in first rehearsals before I know what’s marched up and hit me into the canals with a giant fish face slap.