I want to write some sort of inspired, deep and profound wrap up of Week 1.
In which I articulate the meaningful artistic and practical lessons I’ve encountered and the growth that I As An Artist have made.
And all I know, all I can think to say, is that I Hurt.
This is what I’ve learned this week:
I do not know how to breathe.
I do not know when to breathe.
This idea of a solid and grounded physical center? I don’t have it!
The ability to get up and enter the space because I’m excited to see what happens despite having no idea what’s gonna happen? I don’t have it!
Just before I left I went to the dentist and I went on a date. One was more fun than the other… go figure. Both of them said “don’t be so hard on yourself” – just like that – without knowing me more than a few hours, “don’t be so hard on yourself”. I must be a monster – and there I go again.
So I sat in my room last night, trying to unwind before bed and I came upon a little video that showed me all I needed to know, reminded me of all I needed to be reminded of.
It’s about a seven minute long improvisation by a little girl called Mia. Miss Mia was one of my piano students and Miss Mia taught me a lot. Miss Mia however was a little overwhelmed by school and activities and life and piano and so we decided we would take a little break and start up again this coming fall. Miss Mia loved to make up songs with me and Miss Mia has the music in her in ways I can only dream of (“don’t be so hard on yourself” – but it’s true; I suppose I have the music in me too but I am a fear sufferer and Miss Mia is pure expressiveness.)
So how to help this little miss prematurely end her lessons in such a way as to encourage continued exploration on the piano and ensure a desire to start up lessons again, in order to expand the potential of said explorations on the piano AND somehow let Auntie & Uncle who initiated the lessons know that even though a break is being taken, the gift is loved.
So as I sat in my room last night, trying to unwind before bed I came upon the video that Miss Mia and I made.
I would dearly love to show it to you but I want to make sure that Miss Mia’s Mommy is okay with me posting it to the online world and so you’ll have to wait and you may have to wait forever. The point for me now is this: about halfway through this mop haired child looks to the camera, fingers never ceasing to explore the black keys, exclaiming “we’re still just winging it! I’m just pressing random notes” with joy, she says this with joy and dives right back in, no hesitation, no premeditation, just pure musical discovery
Wiping the sleep from her eyes at the end of a long day Miss Mia teaches me everything I need to remember each day as I crawl to training, as I struggle to collaborate, as I negotiate ego and emotional walls, my sense of intention versus the reality of external perception… relationships… structure…
“We’re still just winging it!” and this is good. This is great. This is what it’s all about
(…that and the season finale of GoT tonight – hopefully live stream screened in the black box stu-stu-studio!)
ps. Miss Mia’s Mommy said yes! Enjoy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4m-aqM7keWc&feature=g-upl