Day 3 pm

by childofwine

crap.

wrote this super awesome post (was it? You’ll never know for sure will you! ’cause I deleted it by mistake. crap.)

Hi Olivia, I sure hope you’re practicing every day for at least an hour…….. Hah! I wouldn’t 😉 I’m having to be really brave yet and have almost cried a number of times already but only sort of kind of once because someone else was being really brave by sharing with us how scared he was.

Tomorrow it gets serious folks. Tomorrow it’s the double double – and no, family unit, that’s not a Dr. McGillion special although I will be introducing it to the mix unquestionably! No, tomorrow is the first of two days wherein we do only the most physical and mentally demanding work, twice. For the past three days we have spent our mornings stomping (Suzuki training) and relationships within space and time (Viewpoints); in the afternoons we have been rotating between Dramaturgy, Movement, Speaking and Composition.

Tomorrow we do Suzuki followed by Viewpoints, lunch, and then Suzuki followed by Viewpoints. I’m not thinking about stairs – I’m already avoiding them and laughing through the ache when I can’t!

I’m so proud of myself for the many little private successes and then turn around to be confronted by the daunting task of maintaining this through the next three and a half weeks. I still haven’t had a good sleep and am somewhat hormonal and there are a lot of habits and defaults that in normal life are plenty to deal with when not confronted with stress and exercises specifically designed to work on – through – against – despite those faults.

I’m hopeful still.

This is the latest I’ve been up this week (10:50) maybe that’s good.

We just had a meeting in my room about compositions. 10 minutes for next Tuesday but good grief there’s a lot to process. I know I say I like a small box in which to work but this, without a director and we’re all directors (!), is a huge lesson. And it’s only week one!

Today I had my best stomp and I rose from the ground with barely any use of my hands and arms – I fear that means tomorrow will feel endless and heavy, not from today but in reaction to doing well… but maybe I’ll be able to find a similar mental calm, maybe not.

Maybe I should read a bit and go to sleep. Storms have broken the heat, that helps, definitely not cold here.

Bye ‘Livie, I think I’m gonna keep you in my mind and heart tomorrow when I’m struggling and being pushed to be brave and take risks because even when you do find yourself with tears it’s always because you have been brave.

xo

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